Thursday, August 20, 2009

Day 7

Today's been a rough one. It's been seven days since I had a drink, which is probably the longest I've ever been sober in one stretch since I started drinking and drugging when I was a teen. The past six days weren't exactly easy sailing, but it was always in the front of my mind as I craved that drink that I couldn't take it. I'd stare at that last bottle of beer in the fridge and go weak in the knees with desire, but I knew I couldn't give in. Today though... I... forgot? Forgot you say?! How the fuck do you forget your a drunk? Well, it happens kinda like this:

It was a rough day at work. Yeah, yeah, yeah we all have those days. I'm not making excuses, just setting the scene, ok? It was a rough day, full of problems, breakdowns and stress. As I was getting ready to go home, the thought flashed through my head of how great it was going to be to go home, relax in front of the TV, and have a glass of wine. I savored this thought for several seconds before my dream train ran into the brick wall of my alcoholism. First came, "shit girl, you can't have a glass of wine, you're going sober!" Then came, "how could I forget that?"

I think for the first time this week, I was kept mentally distracted enough to forget about AA and getting sober. Forgetting about them allowed my old thought habits to resurface unrestrained, like a monster from the depths. It was a depressing awakening as to how very far I have to go before I'm really sober.

But you know what? I still didn't take that drink ;-)

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