So I can't post from work anymore, and life outside of work has been ca-razy! My daughter's school has had events every day for the last week. My youngest just celebrated a birthday, which is a lot more work to get ready for than anyone would think, and the Girl Scout year is wrapping up with several events still to plan. So please forgive me that I haven't found time for you, my bloggy friends!
I wrote the below post at work about a week ago, thinking I would post it once I got home. And it's sat in my inbox ever since. Sorry. What was that thing about alcoholics and procrastination again? Anyway, it's still relevant, so better late than never, right?
Sorry I’ve been absent. The thing is, I haven’t really had anything to say. I try to think of blog topics but none of my ideas have any flesh or body to them. This blog is about drinking, and alcoholism, and recovery, and sobriety, but I haven’t been able to think of anything to say on those topics. Then it hit me just now, the reason I can’t think of anything to write about those topics is I haven’t been thinking about those topics at all. I haven’t been praying (much), haven’t been going to meetings, haven’t been reading or talking to my sponsor. Does anyone else here the robot’s voice from ‘Lost in Space’… “Danger, Will Robinson!”?
I know when I neglect my sobriety work I am putting my sobriety in danger. I am setting myself up for a ‘slip’. And it’s true; the lure of the bottle has been stronger lately. I’m not to the point where I think that it would be a good idea to take a drink, but I find myself thinking fondly about that nice glass of Merlot far more often than usual. I tell myself that since I am aware of all this that I’m okay, but am I really?
I have good enough reasons for neglecting my sobriety work. I am busy! (Duh, I am a mom, which is the definition of busy!) My youngest has a birthday coming up and I intend to make her some doll clothes, although drawing the designs is as far as I’ve gotten. I am making a costume for my eldest’s school wax museum (what did they wear post Civil War anyway?). My husband wants me to spend more time with him, something I continue to fail at. The Girl Scout year is wrapping up and I have field trips, meetings and ceremonies to organize. Work, you know the one that pays me, has been demanding more of my time. In a nutshell, I’m swamped. And the first thing to go is my meetings, my serenity, and my acceptance. I turn into this whirling dervish of stress and GET IT DONE!-ness. Frankly, I become something of a bitch.
So what to do? Well for one I think I need to chill the fuck out. Maybe buy my daughter a present instead of making them. Maybe drop some of those events I think I *should* do. Take a moment to breathe, to sit in silence, to say a prayer, to go to a meeting. Remember all the things I have that I am grateful for and accept all the things I’d rather not have, thank-you-very-much.