Saturday, March 13, 2010
As with spirituality, I find gratitude in the small things. This week my eldest was suffering due to a fight with a friend. As I lay in bed with her talking until nearly 10pm about relationships, friendships, forgiveness and communication I felt the most intense gratitude settle over me. 7 months ago I would not have been able to have this conversation with her. I would have either already been too drunk to communicate well, or I would have been too consumed with the thoughts of the drinks I was missing out on to take the time to talk to her. Even if I was sober, she wouldn't have wanted to talk to me about it. In the last year or so of my drinking, she had become distant, angry and waspish. I blamed it on her age (a ripe 7 years old) or my husband or anything else I could think of besides my drinking. I never thought she was even aware of my drunkenness. How would a 7 year old know what alcoholism is? Yet after I quit, the most amazing thing began to happen. She began to warm up to me. She started to hug me again, to say she loved me. To talk to me, to trust me. I began to learn to let God guide my words with her and we began to have deeper, more meaningful conversations on a regular basis. That we are now at a point where she trusts me with her pain, her issues, and her fears is an amazing thing. I have only my sobriety and my Higher Power to thank for that. I am so grateful.